I haven’t written in several weeks. Obviously my hands are full with the hustle-bustle of an active 2-year old and a slobbery crawler (who’s always getting knocked over by the 2-year old). Besides my hands though, my mind has been full too – full of reflection. As my daughter has reached 10 months, I realize that my break is finally near. After almost 3 years of pregnancy-childbirth-breastfeeding-sleep deprivation-repeat, I have finally found the time to THINK. More shockingly, I’ve been thinking about ME. It almost feels selfish to admit that. But this is my space to be honest so yes, I have been wanting to think about myself for a long time. I have secretly prayed for this stage to come and save me from Lego minefields and high chair explosions.
There have been some trying times since my last post. My husband has worked around the clock, keeping him at the office past the kids’ bedtime and awake all night once he got home. It wasn’t a pretty sight but I kept my game face on knowing that it was only a matter of days. Ultimately though, those days began to feel like an eternity. I’ve tried to keep myself and the little ones busy everyday, not just to help time pass but to especially make myself feel that like my hard-working husband, I am contributing something to our lives and household as well. At the end of the day, I don’t always feel like I’ve succeeded. I go to bed exhausted and still feel like I could have spent a few less minutes watching TV or shouldn’t have taken those 15 minutes (that’s A LOT) to lay in bed while the babies napped.
I have loved every moment of spending time at home with my babies, but man am I ever ready to exercise my creative muscles and do something else! Returning to my day job isn’t presently a choice – as ready and eager as I am to go back to teaching. In the meantime I’m exploring other interests and hobbies. Asking myself, what would make me feel independent again? What kind of personal project could excite me? Do I have any talents?? (I don’t have any, but you get the gist) Most importantly, what’s my 5-year plan? Oh yeah, I went there. And turned up with some answers and new goals that surprised me.
So with that said, I hope I could inspire other women reading this! Although motherhood is a huge triumph in itself, we’re definitely made of more than the soft stuff. My experience has taught me that if I can have the strength to go without sleep and a social life for a year plus, and still come out smiling, I can definitely do other great things with that same dedication. Wish me luck!